Play the Songs
- "Nunsensations!" Overture
- Life is a Game of Chance
- T. & A.
- What Plays in Vegas
- The -ettes
- From Vaudeville to Vegas
- When the Chips are Down
- The Fifth From the Right
- What's Black & White with her Money on Red?
- Cirque du Blimp
- I Left Him There
- Sin City Sue
- Double or Nothing
- A Little Goes a Long Way
- Hollywood 'n' Vinyl
- Why Sing a Ballad?
- Take the Money and Run
NUNSENSATIONS! The Nunsense Vegas Revue takes the sisters on a brand new adventure. When a parishioner volunteers to donate $10,000 to the sisters’ school if they will perform in a club in Las Vegas, Mother Superior is hesitant to accept. However, after being convinced by the other sisters that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” Reverend Mother agrees. What follows is the most feather-filled, sequin-studded, fan dancing Nunsense show ever! Performing in “The Pump Room” at the Mystique Motor Lodge, the sisters experience “show-biz” like never before. You’ll meet Sin-City Sue, find out who’s Black and White with Her Money on Red, and try to win a new car with the “Holy Rollers Giant Slot Machine.” Taking a line from another show, a critic pointed out, “It’s a whole lot funny and a little bit naughty, but there ain’t nothin’ dirty goin’ on!”
©2006 Dan Goggin
Music samples courtesy of Nunsense Records, Dan Goggin
and Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
For props and costumes for NUNSENSATIONS!, visit nunsense.com/store.cfm
Video Sampler of Nunsensations!
How to Dress as a Nun
- Musical Numbers
NUNSENSATIONS! THE NUNSENSE VEGAS REVUE takes place in “real time” in the Pump Room Lounge of the Mystique Motor Lodge in Las Vegas, Nevada.
A Hoboken parishioner recently promised to donate $10,000 if the Sisters went to Las Vegas to perform in a friend’s showroom. Though Reverend Mother had serious doubts about appearing in Sin City, the Sisters convinced her that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
The Sisters begin by visiting with the audience and taking names of people who want to participate in a game later in the show. They introduce Reverend Mother, and the “real show” begins: the Overture plays and, in a “Vegas-style” pageant, the cast is presented. An announcer reads brief bios of each of the Sisters: Reverend Mother Mary Regina, Sister Mary Hubert, Sister Robert Anne, Sister Mary Paul (Amnesia) and Sister Mary Leo. They all sing the opening (“Life Is a Game of Chance”).
Sister Robert Anne voices her concern that the audience may be expecting some “T. and A.” Reverend Mother says they’ll give the audience plenty of T. and A. – talent and attitude. “T. & A.” becomes a Chorus Line- style production featuring all of the nuns. This is followed by “The Shtick,” a quick vaudeville routine of comic one-liners.
Knowing the audience has come to Las Vegas to gamble, Sister Amnesia hosts a game of “Holy Rollers,” consisting of a giant slot machine featuring pictures of the virtues that she has chosen: Faith, Hope, Charity, Will and Grace. Participants can win prizes if they spin the right combinations. After hearing some questionable conversation from Sister Amnesia, Reverend Mother reiterates her concern about the Sisters appearing in “Sin City.” Sister Hubert answers her in the duet “What Plays in Vegas.”
Sister Hubert then explains to the crowd that Sister Amnesia’s puppet, Sister Mary Annette, manages to appear in every show, much to the chagrin of Reverend Mother. Rather than fight the inevitable, Reverend Mother decides to “get it over with” and invites Sister Amnesia and Sister Mary Annette to the stage to perform “The Ettes.” But Sister Mary Annette is missing, and Sister Amnesia firmly believes she has been stolen. Sister Hubert sends Amnesia off to look for her.
Sister Mary Leo presents a solo number in which she demonstrates her talent at various dance styles (“From Vaudeville to Vegas”). She complains to Sister Hubert that she is having a terrible time as a “nun ballerina” because Reverend Mother insists that she wear the traditional habit at all times. Sister Hubert tries to cheer her up with a 50’s rock song (“When the Chips Are Down”).
Reverend Mother returns to the stage with a story of her past and admits that she once danced in a burlesque show. In her dream, the Sisters recreate Reverend Mother’s appearance. Sister Amnesia returns from her search just in time for the number (“The Fifth From the Right”). When the piece concludes and Reverend Mother leaves the stage, Sister Amnesia confesses she has been in the casino (forbidden by Reverend Mother) and has won a bundle of cash. She thinks Sister Mary Annette may have been kidnapped and will require a ransom (“What’s Black and White with Her Money on Red?”) Sister Robert Anne tells her to hide the money in the dressing room.
The act ends with all of the Sisters participating in a musical version of the Hindenburg as envisioned by Cirque du Soleil. (“Cirque du Blimp”/”Life Is a Game of Chance” Reprise).
After an Entr’acte and a short reprise of “Life Is a Game of Chance,” Sister Leo tells Robert Anne she’s questioning her vocation, given her frustrations with her dance career. She mentions a boy she used to date (“I Left Him There”). Sister Robert Anne admits to some of her own uncertainties, but knows they have both made the right choice.
Sister Robert Anne gets a call on her cell phone from Sister Amnesia, who is in the dressing room trying to warn Robert Anne that Reverend Mother has discovered the money. Too late! She has found the money in Sister Robert Anne’s locker and confronts her. Sister Robert Anne explains the whole story about the ransom and volunteers to return the money knowing of Reverend Mother’s attitude about the evils of gambling. Much to Robert Anne’s surprise, Reverend Mother says that she forgot to mention the blessings of gambling and tells her to put the money back in the dressing room.
Sister Hubert and Reverend Mother discuss the history of the showgirl (“Sin City Sue”), inspiring another vaudeville routine (“More Shtick”). Sister Hubert and Reverend Mother hawk their “Sin City Souvenirs” and sing a duet (“Double or Nothin'”).
Sister Amnesia rushes in with Sister Mary Annette. Apparently, Sister Mary Annette was off auditioning for the puppet musical Avenue Q, and they offered her part (“A Little Goes a Long Way”).
No show of the Sisters’ would be complete without an appearance by “The Saint Andrews Sisters of Hoboken” and this time they are California dreaming (“Hollywood ‘n’ Vinyl”). They end the scene with “More Shtick.” Left alone onstage, Sister Robert Anne belts out a big number (“Why Sing a Ballad When You Can Belt a Show Tune”).
Returning, the Sisters are stunned to learn that the Hoboken parishioner who talked them into coming to Las Vegas for $10,000 had actually accepted a challenge from the owner of the casino. The owner bet $50,000 that the Sisters would refuse to appear. They are furious and consider suing the owner, who turns out to be a former student expelled by Reverend Mother years before. Sister Hubert coolly takes charge, saying they’ll do something that people who win money in Vegas never do: take the $10,000, plus the money Sister Amnesia won, and head for home. They all don Village People hats and sing “Take the Money and Run (T-T-M-‘N’-R)”. Waving good-by to the audience, the Sisters sing a final reprise of “Life Is a Game of Chance.”
The Nunsense Vegas Revue
By Dan Goggin
The title page of the program shall contain the following announcement in type size at least one-half the size of the authors’ credits:
is presented by arrangement with
Tams-Witmark, A Concord Theatricals Company
Additionally, you agree to include the above language hyperlinked to https://tamswitmark.com/ on all websites on which you promote the play.
1 Reed: Flute, Clarinet, Soprano Saxophone & Alto Saxophone
Timpani (two pedal drums)
Cymbals (Hi-Hat, Ride, Splash, Crash)
Slide Whistle (optional)
1 Synthesizer (an upper keyboard for color registrations and a lower keyboard for Bass)
Piano (Piano-Conductor’s Score sent with rehearsal material)
10 Piano/Conductor Scores
10 Libretto Books
For props and costumes for NUNSENSATIONS!, visit the Convent Store at nunsense.com
Sister Mary Regina — the Mother Superior
Sister Mary Hubert — the Mistress of Novices
Sister Robert Anne — the streetwise nun from Brooklyn
Sister Mary Paul — known as Sister Amnesia; also the voice of the puppet, Sister Mary Annette
Sister Mary Leo — the nun who wants to be a dancer
Announcer — male voiceover from offstage
Assistant Stage Manager — non-speaking
The original production had a cast of 7 performers.
NUNSENSATIONS! is the sixth show in Dan Goggin’s series of NUNSENSE shows.
1. Overture/Presentation Music – Band
2. “Life is A Game Of Chance” – Rev. Mother, Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, & Hubert
3. “T. and A.” – Rev. Mother, Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, & Hubert
4. Playon: The Shtick – Band
4a. Vaudeville Music – Band
4b. Drum Cuc – Percussion
4c. Playoff: The Shtick – Band
5. Game Show Music – Piano
6. “What Plays In Vegas” – Sr. Hubert & Rev. Mother
7. “The …ettes” – Sr. Amnesia
8. “From Vaudeville To Vegas” – Sr. Leo
9. “When The Chips Are Down” – Sr. Hubert with Sr Robert Anne, Rev. Mother, & Sr. Leo
10. “The Fifth From The Right” – Rev. Mother with Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, & Hubert
11. “What’s Black And White With Her Money On Red?” – Sr. Amnesia with Srs. Leo & Robert Anne
12. “Cirque du Blimp” – Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, & Hubert with Rev. Mother
13. Finale Act One (Reprise: “Life Is A Game Of Chance”) – Rev. Mother, Srs. Leo, Amnesia, Robert Anne, & Hubert
14. Entr’acte – Band
15. Opening Act Two (Reprise: “Life Is A Game Of Chance”) – Rev. mother, Srs.Leo, Amnesia, Robert Anne, & Hubert
16. “I Left Him There” – Sr. Leo
17. “Sin City Sue” – Rev Mother, Srs. Leo, Hubert, & Robert Anne with Sr Amnesia
17a. Playoff: Sin City Sue – Band
18. Playon: The Schtick – Band
18a. Vaudeville Music – Band
18b. Drum Cue – Percussion
18c. Playoff: The Schtick – Band
19. Souvenir Music – Band
19a. Drum Roll – Percussion
20. “Double or Nothin’” – Rev Mother & Sr Hubert
20a. Reprise: “Double or Nothin’” – Rev Mother & Sr. Hubert
21. “A Little Goes A Long Way” – Srs Mary Annette, Amnesia, & Robert Anne
21a. Playoff: A Little Goes A Long Way – Band
22. “Hollywood ‘n’ Vinyl” – Srs. Amnesia, Leo, & Hubert
23. Playon: The Schtick – Bank
23a. Vaudeville Music – Band
23b. Drum Cue – Percussion
23c. Playoff: The Schtick – Band
24. “Why Sing A Ballad?” – Sr. Robert Anne
24a. Playoff: Why Sing A Ballad? – Band
25. “T.T.M. ‘n’ R.” – Sr. Hubert with Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, & Rev. Mother
26. Finale Act Two (Reprise: “Life Is A Game Of Chance”) – Srs. Amnesia, Leo, Robert Anne, Hubert, & Rev. Mother
27. Bow & Exit Music – Band
Find upcoming performances near you.
Organization City, State First Performance Last Performance Theatre at the Center, Inc. Munster, IN 04/30/2020 05/31/2020